Pursuing The Great White —
This is the last call of the day for pollster Phil MacGallup and he has nothing to show for it. McGallup’s assignment is to find and interview the elusive undecided voter.
As he locks his car, he notices a woman staring at him who then pulls a sign from her lawn, hurries inside, and closes the door.
Undaunted, Phil knocks firmly on the door and waits. As he starts to turn away, the door opens abruptly, revealing Willow D. Wisp.
MacGallup quickly identifies himself as working for P.P.P., Pointless Political Polling. Willow looks at his ID hopefully.
“So you’re not with either party?” asked Willow.
“That’s right, ma’am,” said MacGallup. “Did I just see you taking a sign down from your lawn?”
“Oh no, that’s nothing. So you’re not with any of the TV networks? Or cable? What about Super Pacs? Some of them have been pushing me pretty hard –”
Mac: “P.P.P. doesn’t push people, ma’am. I just want to know if you’ve made a decision between Obama and Romney.”
Wisp: “Not yet. I’ve just begun to focus. I hate all those ads. It makes a body not wanna vote at all!”
Mac: “So can I put you down as leaning towards not voting?”
Wisp: “… I will probably vote — if I get some straight answers from the candidates.”
Mac: “But for now, can I mark you down as undecided?”
Wisp: “Uh — actually, I have been leaning towards a third party candidate –”
Mac: “But — ”
Wisp: “Clint Westwood?”
Mac: “I think you mean Eastwood.” (Mac closes his clipboard) “I don’t think he’s on the ballot, but I’m looking for undecideds. Thanks –”
As MacG turns away, she follows him for a few steps.
Wisp: “What if I narrowed it down to two candidates?”
Mac: (Hopefully): “And you can’t decide between the two?”
Wisp: “No, I really do think I’m leaning towards one of them. Does P.P.P. do leaning towards?”
Mac: “No ma’am. We need conclusive indecisiveness.”
Wisp: “How about if I was waffling?”
Mac: “That might work. So are you waffling then?”
Wisp: “I’m not ready to say that yet. Waffling seems like a big step. I need more information. Maybe some visits from each candidate.”
Mac: (Wearily) “Thanks again for your time –”
Wisp: (Following him) “I’d at least like some surrogates to talk with me –”
Mac starts to walk away.
Wisp: “At least a phone call. And no robo-calls! I need some specific answers –”
MacGallup is next to his car now. Wisp steps down onto the lawn.
Wisp: “These are important questions, Mr. MacGallup. If I don’t vote for Mr. Westwood –”
Mac: (Turns back) “Do you happen to know any undecideds in the neighborhood?”
Wisp: “Well I have seen several lawns with no signs up. There’s my phone! That must be Fox News. They like me because I have a landline. I wonder if they do leaning towards.”
MacGallup steps into his car, waving goodbye.
Mac: “I’ll call you back on November 5th to check on you. Where did you say that lady with no sign was?”