If only the world we saw in the Olympics could be found outside the stadium, for instance, in our U.S. political system.
Of course we do have some champions, as witnessed at the recent Sore Losers’ Awards ceremony held at Donald Rumsfeld Arena. After an invocational prayer by the right-wing-Reverend Rick Santorum, this year’s winners marched into the hall to the tune of “Dixie” played by the NRA Tuba Ensemble.
A silver medal went to Senator Mush McGobble for the most “no’s” in a single congressional session. Go Mush, go! A big brass stethoscope goes to the GOP Obstruction Team for all of the opportunities to solve our health problems squandered by them.
A brass thermometer was awarded to all the congressmen who’d stifled any effort to deal with global warming, calling it “junk science” and a hoax. Honorable mention goes to George W. Bush who long ago said that deficits were just “fuzzy math.”
A lead gavel went to Antonin (Tony the Phony) Scalia for election-tampering. And a special silver Super Pac Man for giving billionaires a fair chance to buy political ads on television anonymously. A two-headed silver snake was awarded to the Koch (some people say “Kook”) Brothers for their patriotic efforts to find a way to buy a congressional majority for cash.
A women’s team award for mudslinging goes to Michele Bachmann, Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin and Liz Cheney with special honors to Bachmann for her Dancing Demagogue performances and her secret list of communists in Congress.
A special platinum pacemaker to “Dead Eye” Dick Cheney, who’s trying for the Trifecta in unnecessary wars hoping to score his third medal in Syria.
Last but least, the Plastic Man Mitt Romney won his award coming and going as he tried for the world record for the most positions on the most issues in any news cycle.
The winners marched out in unison to the strains of “Backward, Christian Soldiers”, led by Generalissimo John (“Boots On The Ground”) McCain.