“Richard’s Himself Again”

by elisobservations

Richard Cheney is back! Bush’s former Vice President, who has had more brushes with death than an undertaker, is once again scuttling in the shadows of American politics.

Thanks to Shakespeare, “Richard” has always been synonymous in my mind with villainy. You may remember Richard’s opening soliloquy: “Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York.” The “son” was the King of England standing in the way of Richard’s ascent to the throne. (Can’t you just see our own Richard C. scowling as he spoke that line?) The son is a play on sun. The Elizabethans, drunk with the burgeoning English language, were incessant punimaniacs.

Dick Cheney had no such flair for language, nor any sense of humor, but he did know a good image when he saw one. Remember “smoking gun?” Richard C. likes images of war. In fact enjoys starting wars. And so, he’s at it again. Last time, he was the President’s puppet-master. This time, Chemey is out to de-throne President Obama before he ruins us all! Obama’s sin is trying to disengage the United States from two ruinous and useless wars and instead lead by skill rather than by military might.

Still working in the shadows, Richard C. has assembled a strong group of neo-cons who might more properly be called neo-nitwits. They have no grasp of the world around us, prominent among them is Rummy (Donald Rumsfeld) and Wolfie (Wolfowitz), those strategists who couldn’t tell Saddam Hussein’s missiles from a pile of pipes.

To show that they’re up to date, Rummy and John (Boots on the Ground) McCain want us to establish a Syrian no-fly zone. Unless they’re talking about insects, they should know that Syria is not Libya. Assad’s Syria has a good air defense system. (Gaddafi seemingly had nothing more in the way of air defense than a wonderful collection of giant kites with his picture painted on them.)

Boots McCain also wants to cordon off key land areas in Syria to allow us to ship weapons to the rebels. They are an unidentified group who look a lot like clean-shaven al-Qaeda. Senator McCain, it must be wonderful for you living back in the 1950s!

Some people accuse Cheney of being a war-lover. This is not fair! He did register for the draft. During the Vietnam war, when young men were being drafted and U.S. casualties were high, Richard C. secured two draft deferments — no, wait! Two deferments — that was Mitt Romney. Richard the Chicken-hearted had at least four deferments.

It would be nice if this story had a dramatic ending at the Battle of Bosworth Field, with Cheney lying gravely wounded on an Afghan sand pile, crying “a Drone! A Drone! My kingdom for a Drone!” But the U.S. is not a kingdom and our foreign policy is decided by our elected leaders, not by someone like Darth Cheney.