Pop Quiz

by elisobservations

Note: Readers of Eli’s Observations may have noticed a sudden silence. Blame it on modern medicine, but in any event, I’m back at my desk. Some of my colleagues claim my hospital stay made me mellower. As they say on the Faux News Channel, “You be the judge.”

Which is more repellent to the American voter, a candidate who will say or do almost anything to win approval, or an ideologue who won’t stop bragging about his “faith” no matter how out of step his views are with our Constitution and current American values?

Don’t expect any answers to that from the endless Republican primaries. Those hacks and hotheads are all desperately pandering to the 15% or, as we sometimes call them, “Sliverheads.”

The surest way to reach the Sliverhead group would seem to be Time Travel, going back about 100 years before unions, votes for women and civil rights ruined everything! But Time Travel technology is not yet perfected (mostly because of interference by big government.)

So our right wing panderers have had to make countless speeches, or in the case of Senator Rick Sanctimonious, endless sermons!

Recently, Rictus Sanctus has been preaching on the evils of contraception, global warming, public schools, and President John Kennedy’s endorsement of the “separation of church and state” which made Rick want to “throw up.” (Imagine if somebody ever read Rick the entire Bill of Rights!)

Meanwhile, Ricochet Romney bounces from state to state, sort of winning primaries because so many GOP voters check the box marked “None Of The Above.”

But all is not lost for the 15%. Lurking patiently in the reeds and cattails of the South is a last minute rescuer. That glimpse of white lurking among the foliage is not an albino muskrat, but Never-Say-Die Newt! He has a plan.

As the polls close on Super Tuesday, Newton’s lunar-powered air force will sweep the skies of Dixie, routing Gingrich’s enemies and setting a revolution in motion! Washington will fall easily to the Tea Party forces of the president-to-be. Insurgents will give the Statue of Liberty a glossy new gold Callista-do.

Sound completely goofy? Well Newt says that is how revolutions started 100 years ago! And he is after all a historian.