Public Health Alert

by elisobservations

The first signs of an outbreak of Republican debate withdrawal have already been reported in major U.S. cities. People who never got their entertainment from the Kardashians or re-runs of the “Dukes of Hazard” have proven to be the group most addicted to the GOP snark-fests and the endless post-game “analysis.” But they’ve found a new game show!

Even if you’ve never been an addict yourself, you must remember Jamie Foxx writhing and sweating as he portrayed Ray Charles during heroin withdrawal. Not a pretty picture!

Debate addicts forced to go “cold turkey” have tried various alternatives: watching men pummel each other in cages, or clandestine cock-fights.

The more sophisticated withdrawal victims resort to game therapy: people gather together to portray Romney, Gingrich, et al, while a designated “journalist” asks questions which each player ignores, parroting talking points or insulting one another. Naturally, everyone wants to play Newt. Extra points are given for “zingers” or deducted if a candidate loses his fake smile for even a moment.

One rule is very strictly enforced: any player offering a serious, sensible answer to any question is thrown out of the game.

To make the game even more fun, previous candidates are sometimes included, such as Rick “Oops” Perry, Herman “Shuck-A-Ducky” Cain, and Michele Bachmann, who holds the record for the number times she said “Obamacare.” One woman playing Bachmann arrived costumed as a cheerleader. Her cheer: “Boom-A-Locka, Boom-A-Locka, Obam-A-Locka NO!” That one won a prize. This version of the withdrawal game is called “Stupidball.”

Of course, all these games would be a lot more amusing if the rest of the world understood this was just all in fun. I mean, the Republicans must be kidding, right?

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