Could It Be Steroids?

by elisobservations

News of drug use among the Republican candidates came as a shock to most of us who thought they were way too square for something like that. But how else to explain the behavior of robotized Mitt Romney suddenly grinning and hugging and reaching for children in crowds like he’s just been made prom queen. They have to have slipped something in his Sanka.

Then we have uncontrolled aggression turned into semi-coma. For weeks, Newt Gingrich was attacking everyone else in the field. He did everything but chase cars and try to bite their tires. Now, suddenly, in South Carolina, he waddles slowly off the plane followed by his gold-helmeted wife to sit patiently and explain his theories about how he’s going to become president. Surely a tranquilizer has been administered. Maybe Callista has a source.

Then we have robo-Rick Perry who seems to periodically spring out of a trance, strike a pose, issue some blanket statement about God-fearing Christian nations or same-sex marriages, but he never follows up. He just melts back into the landscape.

Nothing as simple as drugs can explain Rick Santorum. Maybe it’s time travel and he’s just a century behind. I can’t honestly say that I see any sign of drug use by Ron Paul, but I don’t know what normal would look like in his case.

Obviously, John Huntsman, who seems sane, must be on something, or he’d have quit the Republican party long ago.

Whatever the drugs are, there are signs that they’re spreading. Haley Barbour, Governor of Mississippi, has just pardoned a hundred or so convicted killers, thieves and assorted miscreants. And that’s something no Republican normally does, especially in Mississippi.

It’s too early to point a finger at anybody as having “drugged” our noble, upstanding Republican candidates, but you’ve got to guess that Michelle Bachmann is pretty damned angry. Who knows what she’s been up to.

Whatever it is, I hope they get to the bottom of it. These people are bad enough when they’re like themselves. This way, they’re positively unnerving.