On a Need-to-No Basis

by elisobservations

We’ve just received a clandestine videotape from FNC (The Faux News Channel) of a not-yet-aired interview of Senator Mush McGoogle by Pshawn Pshaw.

The senator is pudgy and pink, in his late, late sixties, with a self-satisfied expression and a no-lips smile.

Pshaw: “Welcome, Senator! Before we — uh, would you like us to turn the air conditioning down? I notice your glasses are a little – uh, fogged.”

Senator (shaking head): “No, I see all I need to, Bill.”

Pshaw: “It’s uh — Pshawn? Anyway, Republican Senator Scott Brown said recently that he’d continue to work across the aisle with Democrats.  doesn’t working across the aisle violate your no-cooperation rule?”

Senator: “You know Slim, there’s Republicans and then there’s traitors! I bet this fellow Brown doesn’t even have an aisle seat! Not sure I’ve ever even seen him –”

Pshaw: “Uh, Brown? Scott Brown fromMassachusetts?”

Senator: “Oh, him! Wasn’t he some kind of male model? And he didn’t get a regular six-year term, y’know. He’s just a sub!”

Pshaw: “He’s filling Senator Ted Kennedy’s seat …”

Senator: (Snorts) “So that‘s how he got an aisle seat.  Besides, this O’Brown is from Massachusetts, so what can you expect? They’re not real Americans. Ever notice that whole area up there – you notice it’s called New England? What does that tell you?”

Pshaw: “Then — your no-to-Obama coalition is still solid?”

Senator: (Smugly): “It’s all no six days a week, and no twice on Sundays! In fact, in the cloakroom, we call him NObama! Get it? No –?”

Pshaw:  “Yessir.  So, senate Republicans will all just say no to Obama’s latest jobs bill?”

Senator (chuckles):  “We’ll all do more than that, Ben.  We’ve already squeezed a couple hundred thousand jobs out of state and local governments, just to keep that 9% unemployment number at 9.  We do a little Republican pep rally every morning.  We even got ourselves a chant!  ‘Keep it at nine!  Keep it at nine!  Keep it at nine and we’ll do fine!’  Got that idea from Herman Cohn!”

Pshaw:  “I think you meant Cain?”

Senator:  “Whatever.  An’ you know what I like the best about our little ‘Nine chant?  Nine is French for ‘No!’  Get it?”

Pshaw:  “- German, I think?”

Senator: “Whatever…”

Pshaw:  “What’s your stand on accusations by some women of sexual harrassing gestures by Cain?”

Senator:  “All these darn workplace rules by the government are just plain silly.  It’s all just ‘he says’ and ‘she says’.

Pshaw:  “One woman claims Cain groped her-”

Senator:  “Oh.  Groping?  That’s what we like to call a real no-no!”