On a Need-to-No Basis
We’ve just received a clandestine videotape from FNC (The Faux News Channel) of a not-yet-aired interview of Senator Mush McGoogle by Pshawn Pshaw.
The senator is pudgy and pink, in his late, late sixties, with a self-satisfied expression and a no-lips smile.
Pshaw: “Welcome, Senator! Before we — uh, would you like us to turn the air conditioning down? I notice your glasses are a little – uh, fogged.”
Senator (shaking head): “No, I see all I need to, Bill.”
Pshaw: “It’s uh — Pshawn? Anyway, Republican Senator Scott Brown said recently that he’d continue to work across the aisle with Democrats. doesn’t working across the aisle violate your no-cooperation rule?”
Senator: “You know Slim, there’s Republicans and then there’s traitors! I bet this fellow Brown doesn’t even have an aisle seat! Not sure I’ve ever even seen him –”
Pshaw: “Uh, Brown? Scott Brown fromMassachusetts?”
Senator: “Oh, him! Wasn’t he some kind of male model? And he didn’t get a regular six-year term, y’know. He’s just a sub!”
Pshaw: “He’s filling Senator Ted Kennedy’s seat …”
Senator: (Snorts) “So that‘s how he got an aisle seat. Besides, this O’Brown is from Massachusetts, so what can you expect? They’re not real Americans. Ever notice that whole area up there – you notice it’s called New England? What does that tell you?”
Pshaw: “Then — your no-to-Obama coalition is still solid?”
Senator: (Smugly): “It’s all no six days a week, and no twice on Sundays! In fact, in the cloakroom, we call him NObama! Get it? No –?”
Pshaw: “Yessir. So, senate Republicans will all just say no to Obama’s latest jobs bill?”
Senator (chuckles): “We’ll all do more than that, Ben. We’ve already squeezed a couple hundred thousand jobs out of state and local governments, just to keep that 9% unemployment number at 9. We do a little Republican pep rally every morning. We even got ourselves a chant! ‘Keep it at nine! Keep it at nine! Keep it at nine and we’ll do fine!’ Got that idea from Herman Cohn!”
Pshaw: “I think you meant Cain?”
Senator: “Whatever. An’ you know what I like the best about our little ‘Nine chant? Nine is French for ‘No!’ Get it?”
Pshaw: “- German, I think?”
Pshaw: “What’s your stand on accusations by some women of sexual harrassing gestures by Cain?”
Senator: “All these darn workplace rules by the government are just plain silly. It’s all just ‘he says’ and ‘she says’.
Pshaw: “One woman claims Cain groped her-”
Senator: “Oh. Groping? That’s what we like to call a real no-no!”