The Pizza Man
The stagelights come up. We hear a Brass Band playing a rousing march. A big man in a red drum major’s uniform high-steps onto center stage. It’s HERMAN CAIN and he’s singing!!
Please excuse me Dick and Jane.
I’m Professor Herman Cain.
And I’m here to talk.
About my economic Five Point Plan!
Cue the trombones, Folks! Professor Herman Cain, motivational speaker extraordinaire, is trying to sell us his plan! But if you glance at his sheet music, there’s not one note of economic sense in it. Cain didn’t sing at the recent Republican debate, because he was busy defending his nine point plan.
The professor says his economic plan is simple. Hmm. When a politician tells you he has a simple solution to a very complex problem, it means one of two things: either he’s simple, or he thinks YOU are. Cain has a thing for the number nine, promising a nine percent flat tax for everybody. Nine on earned income, and nine on capital gains. See, he’s keeping things simple for his supporters. Maybe he knows something about them?
A further example of Cain’s brain strain is his flat nine percent tax on nearly all consumer goods. This tax is a twofer: hurting our fragile retail sector, and all those lower income shoppers pushing cartsful of milk and diapers. Again, Cainonomics tells you alot about his supporters. Simple, indeed!
As the so-called debates head toward the delete button, we should study for a moment the squabblers themselves. The “top tier” (Romney, Perry, Cain) are locked in a series of mud-wrestling events, each trying desperately to sink low enough to reach those right wing dunderhead voters.
Some of the “second tier” (Gingrich, Santorum, Bachman, and Paul) may actually believe the nonsense they’re feeding the aforementioned dunderheads. It’s hard to decide who may do the country more harm, the con men or the suckers.
Forrest Gump said “stupid is as stupid does”. That really doesn’t make any sense. But it might make a perfect campaign slogan for the GOP in the next election.