Baseball fans know the problem with a fine new fielder’s mitt. It’s nice and new, the leather’s smooth and shiny, but balls just bounce off it. So players tie thick rubber bands around the mitt and keep tightening them, until they get the shape they like.
That’s been happening to Mitt Romney for twenty years. In the Massachusetts League, voters wanted a soft, flexible Mitt, so Republican Romney finessed a state health plan that Democrats and even some Republicans liked.
But in the Republican majors, some of the players didn’t like finesse, didn’t like Mitt! So, he tried to adapt, be even more flexible, said he didn’t really like what he did like, didn’t exactly believe what he said he believed. In fact, he never had believed that. They still didn’t like him.
Now, in his last crack at the majors, Romney is so bent out of shape that his own father wouldn’t recognize him. He’s still nice and shiny, but his fielding average is stuck at around twenty-four percent! Just tell me what you want, Mitt seems to beg the Tea Party, and I’ll be that. Poor Mitt. The answer is two of the saddest words in baseball: “Not you.”