Eli's Observations

Month: September, 2011

Outrageous Lies About the News Media

1. Wolf Blitzer is a holograph.

2. Ann Coulter was an early unsuccessful Weight Watchers spokesperson.

3. CNN’s Anderson Cooper isn’t always ‘on location.’ He’s a homeless person.

4. Chris Matthews just missed an Emmy for his hour-length interview of himself.

5. The Faux News Channel uses whiteout to create a space between Sean Hannity’s scalp and his eyebrows.

6. Rupert Murdoch has bought The Congressional Record, says he “plans to spice it up a little.”

7. Bill O’Reilly is licensing his name to a chain of charm schools.

8. The Faux News Channel has integrated its on-camera female crew by hiring a brown-haired bimbo.

9.Columnist George Will suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  (See his photo.)

10. PBS Newshour is replacing Jim Lehrer with a mime.

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Crass Warfare

I’m confused by labels the Republicans now throw around when the trigger word ‘taxes’ pops up.  Are billionaires now members of the middle class?  How about people who are multi-millionaires?  And what about the one in five people in America now listed as living below the poverty line? Do they retain some kind of honorary middle class status?

Of course, Mitt Romney muddied the waters recently as he flailed about trying to suck up to the Tea Party.  Mitt the Flexible now claims corporations are people, too.  Does that make Bank of America a middle class American?  Is Mobil-Exxon just another victim of class warfare?  And how do we classify the 535 public servants in Congress?  Most of them are millionaires. By today’s standards that’s bare-bones for qualifying for Working Class!  Except none of them do a lick of work for the public they don’t serve.

If taxes on rich people are ‘war’ what is war on the rest of us? Funding cuts in education? In food safety? In health care? In public transportation and our roads and bridges that are crumbling? Isn’t all that war on the middle class? No, that’s ‘deficit reduction.’

Don’t you ever wish you were a corporation?

Where do you stand on the phony class warfare Boehner loves to talk about? What’s your class? How classy are the GOP Tea Baggies?

Helpful Talking Points

(Note: These Talking Points are invaluable when dealing with the Left-Leaning media.  Repeat them often enough, and soon you’ll hear the Lamestream Media beginning to repeat them too.)

With all these BIG GOVERNMENT RULES protecting ‘endangered species’ like Albino Sea Snails and livestock-killing wolves, we’ve heard nothing about a law to protect a vital American resource!  The PROTECT OUR BILLIONAIRES LAW would jump-start the economy and create many, many thousands of jobs (twenty thousand in India and Mexico alone!).

POBL, as it’s known in the RFRC (Rich Folks Republican Caucus) is vital because billionaires are JOB CREATORS and deserve our protection!  Times are tough for these hard-working JOB CREATORS too.  Imagine the effort executives at Bank of America had to put in to hatch a plan to lay off forty thousand employees next year.  Awesome responsibility!

Yet these tireless JOB CREATORS are hamstrung by BURDENSOME REGULATIONS AND RED TAPE about so-called ‘environmental damage and worker safety and health.’  You don’t hear about any of that INTRUSIVE GOVERNMENT in China.  Those communist dictatorships know how to help a JOB CREATOR create jobs!

Then, there are those CONFISCATORY TAXES.  Just put yourself in the tasseled Gucci loafers of your average hard-working billionaire JOB CREATOR.  How can he invest in America when he’s haunted by the spectre of possible future JOB KILLING TAXES?

Under POBL, all future taxes on income will be banned forever!  Good start, but what about all those CONFISCATORY TAXES billionaires had to pay before the 2000 Bush tax cuts were enacted?  Well, under POBL, all billionaires would be given a full refund (plus interest) on the CONFISCATORY TAXES they had to pay in the past!

POBL would also end the JOB-KILLING FEDERAL MINIMUM WAGE.  Ask any unemployed American which he likes better, a low-paying job or no pay?  And those jobs are created by billionaires, hiring all those gardeners and maids and dog-walkers!  if every U.S. billionaire just gave his pool-boy two hours more per week, you’d see a real ripple effect across the American economy!

POBL needs help from average Americans to silence the UNION BOSSES and TREE HUGGERS and send Congress a message:  Protect the JOB-CREATORS!

(Note: Don’t be afraid to repeat the talking points over and over, especially if someone in the Lamestream Media questions their validity.  They’ll get tired and move on.)